


Sunflower

by MaggieWoods



Series: Peter Parker is dealing with his depression and telling everyone not to worry about him [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, MJ is the friend everybody needs, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, can be read as Peter/MJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 06:02:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20869373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaggieWoods/pseuds/MaggieWoods
Summary: Peter is trying to deal with his depression and MJ is a good friend.





	Sunflower

Generally speaking, Peter liked the libraries of Columbia. They were big, spacious, and filled to the rims with more books and journals than he could ever dream of reading in his lifetime. Not that he didn’t dream about that. The libraries embodied everything he had always loved about school, when he was still at Midtown, and what he now loved about being at Columbia. The libraries had answers to every question he could ever think of, and then some. The Butler Library, where he was sitting now, was open all day and all night: perfect for students with extracurriculars, which often left them to study last minute. Sometimes, Peter missed the schedule he had had when he was still at Midtown. School and social activities during the day, Spidermanning at nights. Ever since starting at Columbia, his schedule was a lot more chaotic: he did things when he found the time to do them. When he first decided that he would give up MIT so that he could continue being New York’s friendly hero, he figured his life wouldn’t change much. Sure, he was living in dorms now, but Ned and MJ were also at Columbia, and his family was still near. He swapped Queens for the static campus, but he figured he would still be around enough as Spiderman. He had not been able to fathom exactly how much would change. University was a wild ride. He loved bio-engineering, loved studying at this level, loved the contact with MIT Mr. Stark had gotten him. But it was a mess. His to-do list hadn’t been cleared since he started here. There was always more stuff to do, people to say, essays to be written. It took him everything he had to keep everything in his life balanced.

And that was before therapy had started.

He still wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Sure, he wasn’t sure about how he was feeling about a lot of things these days. Most days, he didn’t really feel anything, except for overwhelming pressure. Somewhere in his mind, he was embarrassed about breaking down in front of Mr. Stark, but he didn’t have the energy anymore to worry about it. The good thing about breaking down in front of a billionaire is that the same day, Peter had been in the office of the same psychologist Tony saw on a regular basis. She was nice, kind, although she had asked lots of questions. Peter hadn’t felt like revisiting the death of his parents, or that of Uncle Ben, or the fact that he had been bullied of years. But she had been calm, she asked easy questions when he lost his words, and she gave him a feeling that he was being cared for now. It was nice. It eased his worries a bit. They had discussed the possibility of medication, but both felt that, since this was his first time in therapy, they were going to try without first. Perhaps that’s why he liked her. She made it feel like a team effort. Mr. Stark had been doing that consistently too. It made him feel less alone. He knew it was going to help. It felt like he was exaggerating, often, making a problem out of nothing, but he tried to remind himself each time that this was for the best.

But what he hadn’t accounted for, when he started therapy, was exactly how exhausting it would be. He didn’t have any energy left at the end of the week even before he started, and now, it was worse. The conversations themselves weren’t too bad, usually, but they had a way of popping up in his thoughts whenever he tried to focus. Like right now. He was supposed to go over his lab results and write a coherent report. He’d stared at the numbers for who-knew-how-long, but they made no sense. Every time he tried to focus, his mind went other places. The pure pain in May’s eyes, when she ran into the waiting room after Ben was shot. The way Ned and MJ and even his RA Cindy looked at him now, full of concern, and how guilty that made him feel, because he didn’t deserve any of that. The guy that worked in the hot dog booth that Peter often visited on patrol, who had gotten mugged a few weeks ago, because Spiderman hadn’t been there to stop it. How much he was disappointing his professors because he had been doing as well in his classes lately. How much he was disappointing everyone, really. And letting everyone down. He knew his dorm neighbour had been crying at night, and he had meant to ask, to let Dave know that he could come over to vent anytime, but he hadn’t been able to find the energy. How he could say that May was worried sick about him, and the fact that he had done that to her. On top of everything. How he had wanted to go out as Spiderman during the climate march last week, because…

His phone rang.

It took him a moment too long to realise, and another to realise he was in the library. Without looking who was calling him, he answered the call but said nothing, scrambling to get into the hallway.

“Peter? Peter, can you hear me?” As he rushed down the stairs, he saw MJ’s picture on his screen.

“Shh, I’m in the library. Wait a minute.”

MJ stayed silent, but he could almost feel her glare at him.

“Hey MJ, what’s up? Sorry about that, I was in the library.”

“And you couldn’t have waited a few seconds to pick up? I’m not that impatient, you know.”

“I may have forgotten to turn off my sound..”

MJ was silent for a moment, then sighed. “Only you, Parker. Only you.”

Before, Peter would have had something witty to say back. He wouldn’t even have to think about it. Now, he was thinking about what to say at all.

MJ’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet when she spoke again. “How are you doing, Peter?”

“I’m fine. How are you? How are your classes?

“I’m good, class is great. Now can you be honest with me?”

“I’m fine, I swear. I’ve just been busy with classes. I have this lab report due, and the numbers just don’t make any sense, you know? Maybe you could look it over, you’ve always been better at math. I know I’m making a mistake somewhere, but-“

“Peter. Stop deflecting for one moment, okay? I want to know how you are doing. Not how your studies are going. We can get to that later.”

“You talk to Tony too much.”

“I’m starting to disagree with you there. I think Tony and I are talking to each other just enough. You don’t have to talk about it if you really don’t want to, but I’m here for you, okay? I’m not letting you distract me again. I know I’m not always the kindest person, but I want to help you.”

There was suddenly a lot of pressure on Peters chest. He didn’t even know what to say.

“Thanks, MJ. Really.”

“Anytime, dork. I figured you would know that by now, but since you obviously don’t, I’ll just keep repeating it until you know. Now, what are you worrying about right now?

“Who says I’m worrying about anything?”

“You’re Peter Parker with a secret identity as Spiderman. You’re always worried about something.”

“I’m actually worried over my lab report. I’m not … whatever you called it, really. The numbers just don’t make sense to me right now, and it’s due today.”

“Have you asked for an extension?”

“What? No. Why would I do that?”

Peter didn’t think it was possible for MJ to sound softer than she did before, but she managed.

“Because you have plenty reason to, Pete. You don’t have to keep doing everything on top of working to feel better, you know. It makes total sense that you’re struggling to finish your report. Therapy is going to take a lot of energy. It’s going to be on your mind every time you try to focus, because you have a lot on your mind right now. Sometimes, you’ll manage to work around it, and sometimes, you won’t.”

“When did you get so good with this?”

MJ was silent for a moment too long before she answered.

“Told you, I talk to Stark a lot these days. Are you at Butler?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Meet me at the coffee place around the corner of your dorm in 20, okay? I’ll write an email to your professor for you. All you have to do is hit send. Sound good?”

He thought for a second.

“Yeah, actually, it does. Thanks, MJ.”

“Don’t mention it. Just pay for my coffee.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Spiderverse soundtrack.   
I figured I would make a series out of Peter dealing with his depression, so here's part 2. These stories are all based on my own experience, but I hope that you'll find some hope in them (even when I'm not writing a lot of hope, yet).  
If you feel the same way, I send you my love and hope that you will be able to reach out to someone. We'll all get better, someday.


End file.
